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25 February, 2008
Today, I am 50 . . . and I do not know how I feel about “it”, about this day ---- me, have I lived a half of a century? Have I really been married almost 32 years? Do I really have children who are 27 and 29? Children are not 27 and 29, they are 2 and 4 or maybe 10 and 12 – not 27, not 29 . . . and me, a grandmother in less than a week? I am far too young to be 50 and a grandmother. Well, that’s what my head – and heart – tell me.
Can I even recount what 50 years of living has held, what it has all been about? Have I accomplished anything that has changed the world, or even my neighbor? Have I changed myself? Life is about change – it is about movement toward a goal – what goal have I reached? What mountain have I climbed and conquered? Or am I still at the base of the mountain ever looking up with good intentions, but never moving? Is Everest just too dangerous for me?
What was I? What have I become? What will I be tomorrow? Did I miss a turn somewhere on this life journey that has altered my destiny? Have I missed the day that I was to have impacted another’s life?
More questions than answers . . .
Today, I am 50.
Our new grand's room (one more week to go!) is decorated in sweet monkey's and there is more than one Curious George around . . . had taken this several months back when we found out our daughter was expecting and having a monkey motif in the nursery and told her it was her OB doc!
Went looking for "hearts in nature" on Valentine's Day - took the dog along of course - and this is all I came up with - a defaced widewalk outside a middle school - some young person in puppy love could not help themselves when they saw the wet concrete - I did color it pink!
We had pulled up to a stop light and this gentleman was perfect framed in Sam's side view driver's mirror, I grabbed the camera and took the shot . . . was glad it turned out.