Today I am 50




25 February, 2008

Today, I am 50 . . . and I do not know how I feel about “it”, about this day ---- me, have I lived a half of a century? Have I really been married almost 32 years? Do I really have children who are 27 and 29? Children are not 27 and 29, they are 2 and 4 or maybe 10 and 12 – not 27, not 29 . . . and me, a grandmother in less than a week? I am far too young to be 50 and a grandmother. Well, that’s what my head – and heart – tell me.

Can I even recount what 50 years of living has held, what it has all been about? Have I accomplished anything that has changed the world, or even my neighbor? Have I changed myself? Life is about change – it is about movement toward a goal – what goal have I reached? What mountain have I climbed and conquered? Or am I still at the base of the mountain ever looking up with good intentions, but never moving? Is Everest just too dangerous for me?

What was I? What have I become? What will I be tomorrow? Did I miss a turn somewhere on this life journey that has altered my destiny? Have I missed the day that I was to have impacted another’s life?

More questions than answers . . .

Today, I am 50.